power rankings

Just like that, we're halfway into the regular season.

I want to thank Ayahuasca and Boss Hoggs for participating this year, you are officially eliminated from playoff contention (not really but kinda). For the rest of us, things will get very interesting over the next few weeks.

1. Taylor Gang (5-1) ▲1

League Record: 44-10

Offensive Rank: 1st (132.30)

He's the best player in the game. It's just that simple. There's nothing that Taylor Gang can't do. He will defend your best player. He will shoot from the perimeter. He will do whatever it takes, he is the most complete fantasy player in the game today, bar none.

2. Two J's One Kupp (6-0) ▼1

League Record: 40-14

Offensive Rank: 2nd (120.19)

More like Two Studs, One Sham. The league has never seen a team without a clear cut RB1 win the championship. While this team is undefeated, I do not trust them to win a 2-week matchup in the playoffs, yet alone do it twice to win a Super Bowl. In order to get my respect, a roster with Kupp, Jeudy, and Gibson might turn this team into a real contender.

3. Team Ruiz (3-3)* ▲1

League Record: 32-22

Offensive Rank: 4th (117.44)

Notice the asterisk? Here's the footnote: Dillon has scored 10 points to Lenny's 50. I've set up a GoFundMe for the incoming fine I'll be receiving.

4. Team Robles (3-3) ▲1

League Record: 30-24

Offensive Rank: 5th (113.32)

What a difference a lucky win can make. This mans season was over and I had the perfect write up. I'll save it for week 9 or 10 when he's been eliminated from playoff contention. His bye this week and the lucky win cemented a top 4 ranking, his greatest achievement in 5 seasons.

5. Acenando (2-4) ▲2

League Record: 29-25

Offensive Rank: 3rd (117.72)

The Dark Horse. This team has three upcoming byes and will soon be 5-4. He also leads the bottom feeders in PF. Realistically, maybe this team should be ranked 7th, but my algos say otherwise.

6. Team Esperanza (4-2) ▼3

League Record: 29-25

Offensive Rank: 6th (111.94)

Did you know Esperanza means hope? Charlie needs to hope he can Swiftly return to form if he wants to stay in the Mix, otherwise he can Waddle himself over to the refrigerator like MG3.

7. My Mojo So Dope (4-2) ▲1

League Record: 19-35

Offensive Rank: 8th (101.12)

The sky might fall sooner than later, but for now he remains in the Hunt. His SOS thus far should have him sending out an SOS, as he could easily be drowning in L's.

8. Baby Yaga (2-4) ▼2

League Record: 15-39

Offensive Rank: 7th (104.26)

Day 2,417: I have scoured the Internet looking for answers, but no one has any idea what that means. If I had to guess, maybe it means rebuild? This roster is going nowhere but the toilet bowl.

9. Boss Hoggs (1-5) ↔

League Record: 17-37

Offensive Rank: 9th (98.24)

This team been down so long it look like up to them. Only thing looking up is when they're on deck to chalk up the free win.

10. Ayahuasca (0-6) ↔

League Record: 15-39

Offensive Rank: 10th (94.74)

Some say winter is coming, others say it's already here. Either way, for Ayahuasca, it's going to be a long cold winter. It's time to R-E-L-A-X.

Reevaluate

Everything with

Liquor

And

Xanax