power rankings


Welcome to week 5 of the fantasy season.

I clearly have nothing better to do, and let's see if this makes it past week 6 before fading into the sunset like Deaken's playoff hopes.

As a New York Times best selling author, I will try my best to update this page weekly and bring you some joy into your pathetic fantasy teams.

  1. Two J's One Kupp (4-0)

League Record: 27-9

Offensive Rank: 2nd (119.64)

Someone stop this man. Not sure why CJ handed him JJ and Kupp on a silver platter. His RB's are questionable, let's see if his WRs can continue to produce.


  1. Taylor Gang (3-1)

League Record: 28-8

Offensive Rank: 1st (131.72)

World class finisher. Straight domination. Crème de la Crème. Is this offensive powerhouse sustainable, or will this empire fall quicker than Gisele's panties.


  1. Team Robles (2-2)

League Record: 20-16

Offensive Rank: 3rd (114.36)

He's hot then he's cold, scores 160 then implodes. While he holds the highest PF on the season, his season is in the hands of Brandon Aiyuk..who you guessed it, can't catch.


  1. Team Ruiz (2-2)

League Record: 19-17

Offensive Rank: 5th (113.90)

The King of Colluders. First, he drafts #1, then, no one wins the weekly prizes when they're supposed to, and now, he sits on a gold mine of talent. Can the colluder pull off the impossible and return to the super bowl when drafting #1 overall (never done before).


  1. Team Esperanza (3-1)

League Record: 21-15

Offensive Rank: 6th (113.18)

Troy Aikman once said, "Just remember that nothing is as bad as it seems, and nothing is as good as it sometimes appears". After a season low (PF), he's certainly pondering if MG3 can fill in for Swift for the next couple weeks. Drake London certainly isn't going to help.


  1. Baby Yaga (2-2)

League Record: 13-23

Offensive Rank: 7th (110.11)

Still have no clue what that means. Currently leading the league in start/sit accuracy with a whopping 91.1%. While this man can't miss, he's still 2-2.


  1. My Mojo So Dope (2-2)

League Record: 11-25

Offensive Rank: 9th (98.47)

QB woes may be worse in Sheboygan than Chicago. Can the Sun God return and bring back some light to the man on the moon?


  1. Acenando (1-3)

League Record: 15-21

Offensive Rank: 4th (114.01)

The wildcard spot was invented for this man. While he's 8th in the standings, the wildcard spot currently belongs to him, which will be lost if he continues to start Rhamondre Stevenson as his RB1 (pick up the phone and deal me one of those WRs).


  1. Boss Hoggs (1-3)

League Record: 14-22

Offensive Rank: 8th (102.28)

You know how when players in sports remember who was drafted before them? Well, one name that Diggs, Kelce, Saquon, Chubb, Hill, well, really everyone in the NFL have in mind...Cam Akers.


  1. Ayahuasca (0-4)

League Record: 12-24

Offensive Rank: 10th (97.98)

The Green Bay Packers may be on the brink of elimination. Over the last 2 seasons, new members have combined for a 1-7 record through 4 weeks. The last member? We don't talk about him, he finished 3-9.

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK

Team Robles (2-2)

vs

Two J's One Kupp (4-0)